A Prince Worthy of Her Heart

After I shared my story, a friend of mine wrote and told me she wanted to share her story with me. 

Wow. 

I cried. There is something powerful about sharing our broken places, especially when God has brought healing to those areas. Although this was a hard story for her to share, you will see Beauty and Joy in the end. That's just the way God works...

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I had a good childhood, for the most part. I knew my parents loved me cared about me, but it was hard for my mom to say that she loved us. I think the best decision she made for me was to stay at home after I was born. She could have worked as a teacher in a nearby school but choose to stay home and be with her kids. She homeschooled two of my brothers and I until I was in 6th grade.

When I was 7 we had a birthday party with some friends and family. I remember that my brother, a friend of mine and another boy were upstairs playing when the older boy began touching us wrongly. I remember being scared; I did not know what to do. My brother began to cry and the boy’s sister begged him to stop touching all of us. This went on for about a year. Each time a little worse for me as a little girl he raped me several times in that year and also abused my brother and his own sister. We were too scared to tell anyone and Would they even believe us? Then one afternoon a woman knocked on our door and talked to my parents after a short time my dad called us in and the truth came out. I remember feeling relieved, guilty and angry all at the same time.

My parents had their own set of emotions to deal with and after a while, we began to notice less playdates and less social gatherings. It was like my parents stopped trusting people and shut down. About a year after the truth came out my parents decided to talk to our pastor at church to get some healing both for themselves and my brother and I (to this day I am so thankful for that man and treasure him as a mentor in my life). Through talking and counseling with him I was able to forgive the boy but deep down I was still angry.

My mom got a job at a private school when I was in 6th grade which meant free tuition for my brothers and me, so I spent the next three years in a small private junior high. I never really connected with anyone, it was always superficial and I was very quiet and did not talk much to anyone. I was literally afraid to open up out of fear of being hurt. I went from this tiny private school to a public high school. Needless to say, I was very overwhelmed! I knew a few people from little league and church but otherwise, I was a quiet introvert. It was not until my sophomore year that I connected with a girl who would become a good friend for my remaining high school years. We did everything together until we got boyfriends....

At this point, my friend began to describe the broken relationships she became involved with through high school. She ended that chapter of her life with a broken heart: 

I met a boy my senior and we were together for 3 years before we broke up. I was devastated. I honestly thought we would get married but I found out the hard way that just because you give yourself to a boy does not mean you have his heart. I felt so alone, I had no one to talk to.

I called an old church friend who I had kind of forgotten about since I was partying and hanging out with boys all the time. She was one of the few people who never stopped being my friend even when I was pushing everyone who cared about me away. I cried, I cried a lot wishing she could talk to me in person but she was in a different state. We prayed over the phone and I started going back to church. It was like a breath of fresh air when I started going back to church. I was welcomed with open arms by people I had not seen in what seemed years! One of my first Sundays back I heard about a workshop about an hour away and knew I had to go. I dealt with a lot of issues but was hesitant to let go of some things.

A year later I decided to go through another workshop at my church at the suggestion of my mentor Dad and pastor. I reluctantly went but am so glad that I did!!! On one of the days of the workshop, they were washing our feet as Jesus did to the disciples. I remember sitting there with my eyes closed as I felt someone begin to wash my feet, I opened my eyes to see who it was and all I saw was Jesus kneeling at my feet gently washing them. I began to sob Jesus loves me, he loves me!

On one of the last days of the workshop, we were told to write down some things that were keeping us away from God: anger, lust… I wrote mine down and began stacking cardboard blocks up like a wall. When I was done I cried. I had so much anger and hatred, I had forgiven the boy but not my parents or God. I was still questioning Him as to why he would let that happen to me- I was not a bad little girl and my innocence was taken from me. I sat there just listening, waiting until I was finally able to knock down the wall. Immediately, I was embraced by a facilitator who happened to be another mentor dad of mine. He hugged me so tight and I just wept. I literally felt the arms of God wrapped around me.

The last day of the workshop was eye-opening for me. It was my turn to receive. Everyone circled around to pray for me and listen to what God wanted to say over my life. The one thing that hit home the most was this:

You have been running from God into the arms of boys and God wants to tell you

stop,

wait,

listen to me daughter.

I have a mighty man I am working on just for you, a prince who is worthy of your heart. He is a man of honor, love, and truth. Don’t look for him, you will not find him.

I will bring him to you when the time is right and he will be worthy to have you as a bride. Wait. Trust me. Walk with me and I will show you how to love and trust again.

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About 6 months after the workshop I realized I still had not and could not forgive myself. It was hard and it was the one thing still holding me back. One Sunday as I was talking with a woman and telling her these things she prayed with me and then walked me through some thought processes. I closed my eyes and went back to the room where I was raped, only I was seeing it happen and I could not do anything about it, I could not stop it! 

As I stood there I began to see Jesus weeping as it was happening, he was crying as I was screaming stop…when it was over he embraced me as I sat curled up in a ball on the floor. I could see He had never left me and it hurt him just as much as it hurt me. He then stood and I saw this gorgeous meadow filled with every imaginable flower you can think of and he said come, he took my hand in his and I could feel where the nail had pierced his hands. He led me to a beautiful waterfall and said 

I never left your side. I have been here the whole time and now it is time to let go of your hatred of yourself. Forgive yourself - it is not your fault. 

I started to cry on the altar of the church. I cannot tell you the freedom that came that day! My relationship with my parents also improved and continues to this day.

I walked with Jesus daily and waited patiently to meet my prince. I remember one day in my quiet time He asked me what qualities I would want in my future husband. I wrote them down and did not think anything of it.

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In the summer of 2005, the youth pastor at church called and asked if I could be a staff for an upcoming youth event. I said sure; it was the same thing I had done the previous year as a participant and I had a blast! Niko. It was on this 5 day trip to the wilderness that I met my prince. I knew it was him, my heart was just pitter-pattering inside and I felt like it could jump out of my chest! We talked a lot on the trip and did not stop after that. After about 6 months of hanging out and talking, we decided that it was getting serious so we prayed and felt like God was saying Go for it! In a few weeks, we were engaged and six months later - almost a year to the day we met - we were married.

His name is Nathan KING.

I really did marry my prince but not just a prince a King!  When we got engaged I looked back at what I had written for characteristics I would want in a husband. I had written down about 20 and my husband was all but 4! 

God is so faithful and I am so thankful to have married my prince who is more than worthy to hold my heart!