Looking Glass

Because sometimes we just need to be reminded: God's view is clearer than our own.
......................................

Whisper sweet nothings into my ear;
Remind me of who You know I am.
I'm looking for my face in the mirror You hold
Dark, yet lovely
Stumbling, yet perfect
Unworthy, yet priceless.

These circus mirrors I own
Reflect images that wear me out
     Grieve my soul
     Grate my conscience
     Grappling with imperfections
 As I wrestle them to the foot of the cross.

I'm tired of these mirrors
Which reveal every blemish
Yet offer no hope;
no assurance of lasting change.

Breathe life into these lungs once more
Show me what I was created for . . .

A divine romance
An infinite dance
of a Lover with his beloved.

Your love for me is
Astounding, abounding;
Amazing, unchanging.

In awe I stare at this new Looking Glass
As I abandon the frustrations of the past.
I boldly stand before the throne of grace
Banner in hand, smile upon my face.

Distorted mirrors set aside
Nothing left for me to hide.
You see it all, and yet You say
I am perfect - in every way.

Clothed in the righteousness of my King
You've given me a reason to sing.
I'm not my own;
I've been bought with a price.
And with my Love, you are satisfied.

The banners which once flew over my head
     Imperfect
     Unloved
     Riddled with fret

Are now replaced with immortal pen:

Loved by the King.

Again and again
I return to this lovely Looking Glass
To see if the message remains unchanged
Delighted I turn away,
with the truth reaffirmed . . .

The distorted images of memories past
Occasionally remind me of my own looking glass
But with hope renewed, I set them aside
As I recall the day the God-man died.

His offering relieved me of futile pursuits
Incessant endeavors to earn God's smile
An unprofitable attempt to make his offering worthwhile.
Never understanding I was loved all the time
All my efforts were a byline
a small tribute to the main Character's story
a feeble declaration of another's glory.
I am priceless
Not because of who I am
But Whose I am.

So whenever I'm tempted to lose heart, to faint
From expectations I seem to place
On myself
Please remind me that Your Looking Glass
Is far superior to my own.

And although there will be days
I will feel so far away
From You and who you've created me to be
You see the end from the beginning
And You've promised to complete
This marvelous work You've begun in me.

So until that day of complete perfection arrives
I’ll rest in Your love as an expectant Bride . . .
And from time to time, I’ll steal a glance
From Your eternally unchanging Looking Glass.

If God wasn't good...

 

If God wasn't good
There would be no Heaven
Earth would be grayscale
And vultures would be the only birds allowed to sing.
but... He is good.
So I should
Bring on the praise, phrase by phrase
As I loudly proclaim
this truth: All that is good comes from His hand
It's the devil we need to reprimand.
He's come to steal, kill and destroy
If it brings harm, it's Satan's ploy.
So dam your criticism of God's good nature
Show some love; don't be a hater.
If you bite the hand that provides Living bread....
Well, eventually you'll starve.
Which is quite unfortunate because the God-man died to give you life.

Raw God

This poem was inspired by Andy Byrd - who used the phrase ''Give me raw God'' several times when he spoke on the Holy Spirit a couple weeks ago. 

Pasteurized, homogenized

Condensed and packaged into a smaller size

A God I can understand

With more gifts than demands

I'll take two please

Because one isn't enough to meet my needs

On second thought - never mind...

I'm tired of serving a God that's travel size

Just give me raw God please

The One that makes warriors weak at the knees.

No limit to what raw God can do....

I've seen him work wonders; I know it's true

We feel safer with a God we understand

But an unseen God's worth equals (more than) two in the hand

So bring on the flavor; I'm ready to savor

A taste of the Divine; I've heard it's sublime

These crumbs I've scavenged from the pulpits of men

Turned to dust in my mouth as soon as I heard of Him.

There's nothing quite like a God in the raw

To quench a man's hunger.... unless he's filled up on poison.

In which case you need a Doctor. 

But that would make this an entirely different story...

Dancing and some thoughts on fame

This moment of fame

Is just the same

As every other star

You only go so far

Till the light burns dim

Till it flickers and dies

As you fade from the eyes

Of every person around

Save for the sound

Of a well preserved archive via the internet.

But don’t lament

Not just yet

If you want to burn bright

You need an Eternal light

For platforms are built to crumble and fall

Only feet on the Rock will ever stand tall

So if you want to make an imprint on the world you can see

Then remember this friend - take it from me:

If Jesus is lifted up

His fame will reign

Lives will be changed

Things can’t be the same

Because when He calls

All men to come near

They surely will hear

As your life light infects the dark night

With an unstoppable flame

That will bring sight

To the blind, brokenhearted

The unbearably pained

With the redemptive healing power

Only Jesus can bring.

So stop building self-centered Kingdoms that melt with the sand

It’s time to step up and seek His plan.

So to it! Time flies! Don’t hedge about!

There’s only one Man's approval you can’t live without.

Just build your house on the rock my friend

Get delivered from the drug of man’s opinions        

and then
You’ll be fit to serve the true King
You'll be ready to give away everything
As the light of God’s glory fills your life
And the fireworks sparked beat back the night
You’ll add another line to the centuries-long story,
As you loudly proclaim Another Man’s glory
Now that’s a fame worth striving for.

And all it takes to start is an open door...

the one to your throne room.
-----------

I wrote this poem after discovering a guy named George Sampson, a street dancer from the UK. 

Wow. 

He tried out for Britain's Got Talent, but didn't really get anywhere with it the first year. The second time he went out for it, he ended up winning and walked away with 100,000 pounds (however much that is.) Anyway, I watched several videos of this guy (because if I could have picked a talent, it would have been the ability to dance) and I ended up wondering where his road would lead him. It seems so many young people have started off with acting/singing/success, and they end up on some detour that leads... well, to dead end streets.

This poem was my thought process unfurled.

Rap it up

Today during our training, we were split into four groups: rappers, artists, sculptors, and drama/ skit people. We then had to create a piece to illustrate a YWAM value. I went with the rappers and put a twist on words I had sketched out before:

Amazing, unchanging

You are infinite and intimate

And I stand in awe of the Uncreated King

The God of life, love, and creativity

Staring at the tube that brings gloom

Leads me to think that we are all doomed

But then I come to the throne of grace

Asking You to remove the mud from my face.

Replace it with your lens

Remind me again

You are not yet discouraged with man.

In fact, you have hope

Even when I fret and can barely cope

You see what I can't see.

I see an acorn, You see the tree

I see brokenness, while You birth a dream

One hope, one goal, one place to seek

Every tribe, nation, tongue falling to their knees.

Make this my goal - make this my dream

To see one Bride loving One King.

We were focusing on seeing life from God's perspective, and this came out. We had about 15 minutes to pull it together, so I rapped, while someone did a beatbox, another did backup vocals, and two others danced. It was fairly short, but so much fun!

I have other stories I'd love to share from this time, but time is slipping and eyelids are drooping, so I'm off to get some beauty rest.

A Christmas poem

Thank you Jesus for traveling so far
You are a star
in my book
Just one look at your story
and I'm amazed
how much it took
to show us your glory.
You could have come to impress
Could have caused great distress
Could have lived just for fame
(You'd have still been God, all the same)
But you laid it aside,
You pressed toward the prize
Of a bride with star filled eyes
Paradise lost - you came to regain
To seek and to save... that's why you came.
Tonight I am grateful for all that You've done.
And I want to say that as a Son...
You have given more than I could have asked for
As Christmas slips by, the hours quickly fading
Tomorrow looms ahead - soon I'll be wading
Through all the everyday tasks - you know what I mean
From diapers to dishes and everything between
But now it is quiet. The perfect time to say
Thank you Jesus for coming this way.

Luke 2:10-12 Don't be afraid! I'm here to announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody, worldwide: A Savior has just been born in David's town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master. This is what you're to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and lying in a manger.

Life

So many moments have trickled past
This hourglass is slipping fast
Old trials have passed, new ones are here
So much life to live in this new year
I’m a mother today, only time will tell
If this moment I’m living has been spent well...

My days melt into one another, blending into a blur of monotonous activities that seem to have no bearing on the eternal fate of myself or anyone else. Dishes, cooking, laundry, tending to sick children, wiping bottoms, washing faces, hardly emerging from our home except for groceries or a doctor’s visit. Going to church... that depends on whether the kids are well or not - and that hasn’t been often lately. I’m not certain how this stage of life is supposed to be lived. I’m motivated to pore over books and study when I know there are others depending on me for spiritual nourishment... but it’s hard to press myself to be as intense when there is no one to pour into. Frustration seems to be the only reasonable response to such intensity, and I’m not exactly a glutton for punishment. However, in order to absolve myself from the fate of the lazy servant (the one who hid his talent in the ground), I shall make this blog my outlet. So may this be the first of many entries this year, and hopefully someone will be encouraged by my current musings, and recollections of memories past.


Mekeisha

Maya

I love the sunshine in your hair
The bluebirds in your eyes
I love your scarlet ribboned lips
I even love your size
Short, yet independent
Spunky as can be
It’s amazing to think such a precious package
Has been entrusted to me.
I adore you, think you’re amazing
I love you through and through.
No other child could rival the
Specialness of you.
But this I pray from day to day
(Or as often as I think)
That you would grow to love and know
The God I love and seek.
I pray that I would model well
The life we all should lead-
A life of faithfulness and love,
Pure devotion to the King.
He created all that I love about you
And afterward he smiled
Knowing that the gift he gave to us
Would be returned in a while.
That’s right, my Precious daughter
You are in safe hands
Although it is my hand you see
It is God’s hand that you hold
For He has entrusted you to me
And I have purposed to be
An ambassador of the highest integrity.
May God enable me to cut a clear path
For those tiny feet which may one day follow . . .

Truth be told

Fishing flopped.
Plans failed.
Hope waned as
Doubts assailed.
Emotional trauma
Hormonal drama
As we made the transition
To our new position
within Valdez.
New home. Work zone.Money gone
for now.
Truth be told
It’s not been easy.
I’d rather have been overseas.
It would have justified - in my mind -
the frustrations that have become so companionable these last few months.
Truth be told
We’re here on commission.
We’ve come to see and fulfill God’s vision.
Truth be told
I don’t want to be here.
I’d rather be laboring in some other sphere.
Truth be told
God was sowing here long before we arrived.
Truth be told
It hasn’t been that bad
Although I feel the strain nearly drove me mad
Moving away from precious family and friends
New baby on the way
And we can barely meet ends.
And although supply seems to be low
We’ve not missed a meal, and
We still have a home.
    (Someone else’s for the moment,
     but that’s another testament to grace.)
So now what?
Fog is clearing
Winter is nearing
So now I confidently say
The Lord is my Shepherd,
My needs are supplied
God is still good
It’s the devil that lied.
My heart nearly fainted
And I feared for the worst
If God had abandoned us
 My life would be cursed.
But truth overcame
The night flew away
My God never fails
I can rest in His grace.
Truth be told
We were never alone
Through the doubt and the pain
Through the misunderstandings
My God reigns.

I would have fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Circumstances

Cold and rainy day
Still miles and miles away
From moving into our “home”
We no longer have a phone
Couldn’t afford to pay
Tell me again,
Why did you lead us this way?
Not to question your wisdom or anything
I just need some perspective on this circus ring
Nothing has gone the way we planned
Not that we planned on very much, mind you:
Our tentative plan was to

    Go fishing
    Make money
    Settle into a home
    Prepare for the new baby’s arrival

None of these plans have worked out
We’ve landed ourselves in a financial drought
Purposeful pursuits have been stripped away
And now all our unceasing labors serve to pay
The accumulating debts we have acquired
And now the thought of it all just makes me tired
I’m not accusing You for leading us here
But it seems like a test of the hardest kind
To fight this war that wages in my mind . . .

Open prayers, continued

My head aches from so much crying
Inside it feels like I am dying
When will all this drama end?
When does real joy begin?

Discontentment has ruined my appetite
For anything God may offer
For the present gifts I’ve been unthankful
And now I’m feeling awful

Just as terrible as the Israelites
Complaining because they wanted meat
The bread of heaven was not enough
To satiate their ungrateful mouths

Or wishing for the finer fare of Egypt
When God offered an eternal inheritance in Israel
Esau selling his birthright for a bowl of soup
That’s me, so preoccupied by the present condition
That I relinquish eternal rewards in exchange for a momentary fix

Please forgive my complaining, ungrateful, terribly sin-stricken heart
I thought I lived for your glory
But the only glory at stake here is my own
And I’m quick to stake a claim for my rights
What I think I deserve
What I ought to have

Me, your “faithful” servant
Striving on the inside,
Longing to get away from this commitment I’ve made
To follow wherever you lead.
I guess I don’t trust that You really love me.
You want good things for my life. . .

Those who love the Lord lack no good thing- at least, that’s what the psalmist said.
And yet, I think I am lacking some good things. Like a home, where Jasmine has her own bed. But I think the point you intended to make- the psalmist intended to make, that is- when we know, love, and live for you- nothing else matters as much as knowing you.

Teach me how to be content- to be okay with the fact that we don’t own a lot. You are pretty smart, pretty wise, and you love me more than anyone ever could- especially considering the fact you know me better than anyone. Well, I guess what I’m saying is- okay - I choose to trust you, to remember that You have amazing plans to do great things in this place, and in some small way, I have the privilege of being a part of those plans. Yay! I have everything I need to live a godly life. I have everything I need to please you. This staff in my hand, this smooth stone, this writer’s pen- here I go again- you want what I have to offer, and thankfully, you are not asking for what I cannot give.

You want me.
Just as I am.

I come; I come . . .

A woman in need of a Savior

Imperfections abound.
Forgetfulness
Justifications
Wormy pride
I am a woman in need of a Savior
My frustrations serve me very well,
For it is these frustrations which
cause me to long for Infinity
Perfection
Beauty
In one word - they cause me to long for You.
Jesus.

Hello goodbye

So I'm sure you've noticed - if you've checked in at all here the last few months - I haven't been writing here - sorry! We've been pretty busy, but I hope to get on here more often in the next bit.

We just finished staffing a Discipleship School and an outreach to Argentina. It's been a marathon for us:

- Staffing a counseling school in Salem (June - August)
- Teaching in Wyoming (First week in September)
- Flying to Tennessee to support raise and visit family for a month (Second week of September)
- Did I say a month? I meant 10 days, since we ended up staffing a school there.
- Flew back to Salem to teach on Frontier Missions (October 13-17)
- Back to Tennessee for more lectures (October 18th - December 24)
- Home for Christmas, 10 days off, then (We flew on Christmas eve)
- Taught in LA on the nature and character of God (First week in January)
- Back to Salem to teach for 2 weeks
- Off to Argentina, arrive on Monday (January the 26th)
- Teach on Nature and Character from Tuesday through Saturday (27th through the 31st)
- Evangelism, open airs, miscommunications and exhiliration - until we returned on March 1st

We've been running hard this last season, and things will not be slowing soon. (Can you feel the wind in your hair?!) I am hoping to write a book this year, and God seems to be giving Ethan a matrix download for our future plans. Yee haw! Here are my latest thoughts, written this evening:

Hello goodbye
Livin life on the fly
And you wonder why I chose this life
Friends are here today
Then they’re gone away
To Sudan, Afghanistan
Practically every place there’s land
Off to another world
Some distant place
Without a face
Now it has yours
We are
Unstoppable
Unquenchable
Irrepressible
Intensely Passionate
Indelibly imprinted upon by the Spirit of God

Because we are the generation that seeks a face
But finds the heart
of a living God
One that seems absent to an onlooking world
How convenient to presume God does not see
Your unjust deeds

How hopeless to think
His ears are dull
You who sit in abandoned corners
You who cover your body in shame
Who wait and pray for
Someone to come and take you away
You who walk the fragile line between hope
and hopeless realities
What evidence of God do you see?
Do you need proof of His existence?
Then take a look at me.

Hello goodbye
Livin life on the fly
Don’t know why
you chose this life?

Then look around with me
I think you’ll see
A world that needs
A physical representation of a spiritual God
A living incarnation of a Man who died.

You look at me and think
I have nothing
You’re right
No measures in place
“Just in case” God falls through
I think it’s called faith
That forgotten substance of things hoped for,
Yet never seen.
Not a lot of green on these trees
Just seeds
Just promises of a harvest to come
I’m not looking for success
Just the knowledge I did my best
To carry out what You’ve asked of me.
This is my reality
And one day maybe others will understand
Until then, I’m off to some other land

Hello, Goodbye
Livin life on the fly
People wonder why
I chose this life

Maybe I see something they can’t see
Maybe they’re spending too much time
Looking at me
Maybe I look crazy because the treasure at hand
Has yet to be appraised by this band
of ogling onlookers
You think I go too far?
I’ve only just begun
I’ve only started to run
This race.
My pace may seem too fast
You stare with face aghast
But when I’ve reached the end, my friend
I’ll have no regrets.
And you . . .
Still have a chance to get your appraisal in.

Hello goodbye
I have tears to cry
Not now, but someday
Til then I’m living to pay my only debt
To love the King of Kings
With everything that is in me.
Off I go . . .

Hello goodbye
Don't you cry
We'll meet on one side
or the other . . . later.