Measuring Sticks and Mirrors

A couple weeks ago I sat in the living room and shared with Ethan: “I feel like I never measure up! No matter how much I do, it is never enough!”

It's so frustrating to live with a constant sense of failure.

Ethan listened to my dejected words, then suggested, “We should pray and get rid of that measuring stick! Here, let's try something. Close your eyes and go where that measuring stick is and let's get rid of it!”

I closed my eyes and imagined taking Ethan's hand as we stepped into a very long room with white walls. I walked in expecting one measuring stick, but when I looked I was surprised to see several measuring sticks leaned up against the wall, all of them six or seven feet high.

Whoa. 

As I stared at them, I realized each measuring stick represented a woman in my life who was doing something better than I.  Better at being organized, better at keeping her house clean. They represented women who own their own businesses or are more established in a career, women with college degrees and grand accomplishments - none of which I will ever be able to rival.

I whispered to Ethan: “There are a lot of measuring sticks in here.”

“Okay,” he said -  “Let's get rid of them. Why don't you take them out of the room?”

Then he asked, “Where is your measuring stick?”

In my mind's eye, I looked down at my hand to see a ruler about 3 or 4 inches long. I felt bewildered. My ruler is really short.

Ethan immediately asked, “Why is it so short?”

Then it occurred to me: This measuring stick is my inheritance.

 : : : I'm going to interject here that I don't think I really understood what it meant at that time, for this tiny ruler to be my inheritance. But afterward, I thought about my mom and all the depression she experienced when I was growing up. I really think she had a lot of issues with insecurity and self-hatred. I imagine it's hard to pass on a healthy self-image when you are drawing from a bankrupt account. : : :

We both felt that I needed to give my mini ruler to God. We prayed together, but I didn't get a clear picture of what God wanted to trade me until about a week later.

 As I was praying about that vision I asked God again, “What will you trade me for this stick?!?”

I was immediately reminded of a poem I wrote several years ago. It was like a download, it flowed so easily. It was entitled "Looking Glass". As I remembered that poem, I felt like the Lord told me “I'm going to give you a mirror, but it's not going to show you what you look like, this mirror is going to show you how I see you."

That morning, I felt such Joy. I felt like God had placed puzzle pieces in front of me and was slowly allowing me to piece them together. 

I remembered the first time he spoke to me when I saw an acorn on the ground and glanced up to see a tree just beyond, and the Lord told me: You see yourself like an acorn, small and insignificant - but I see the tree that you will be. I see all your gifts and talents unfurled and on full display.

Then I remembered just a short bit ago reading Genesis when I came across the verse that said we were made in the image of God. For some reason, I've glazed over that verse so many times and never caught how powerful it is. 

 I am made in God’s image. 

There is something in me that reflects the image of God.

I remember reading that verse and weeping. If I really believed that there's something in me that reflects who God is, I think I could accept the way I am.

This weekend I attended a conference with Elisa Morgan, and her message seemed to reflect what God is doing in my life right now. Her books ran out before I could get to them, but when I saw this piece of jewelry I knew God wanted to remind me of his promise: 

“I'm going to give you a mirror, but it's not going to show you what you look like, this mirror is going to show you how I see you.” 

Beauty Full.

We could all use a mirror like that.